So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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