you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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