i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize