so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
