Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
