why didn't you poke me back
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
