She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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