my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
