I am spending my child support on dildos
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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