What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
