Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
