no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Who died my cat blue again?
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