Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
