grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
