her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
