Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
