She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
