Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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