The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
