Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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