i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
