Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize