did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
