Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
