It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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