my mouth tastes like poor choices
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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