butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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