He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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