this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
