So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
try to milk me bitch
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