Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
