oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
