Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
