So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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