The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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