I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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