i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
