so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
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He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Your penis caused this!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.