Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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