Kiss
Puke
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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