Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
