tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
