Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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