so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
