it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
