My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize