3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i would punch a child for taco bell
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
