i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
