Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
