Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
