is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
