i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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