In the future we'll all be gay
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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