Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
