Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
