He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
