i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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