Your mouth is God's brothel.
babies were throwing up all over the place
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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