dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
