He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
