apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
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According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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