he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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