just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
His nipple licking is glorious
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