We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
