I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
