tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
