I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need to calm my uterus...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
