I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
