I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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