belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
