that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
