dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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