Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
