I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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