i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
