You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
