I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dicks are not precious.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
